Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Dear Lord

Its a little known fact around these parts...when a girl is wearing Thigh Highs its as good as an One Way sign to her Snap. In short, Thigh Highs=Ankle Bone Earrings.

Amateur Hour

Listen, tonight is special for so many reasons and if you are married, have a solid group of buddies(girlfriend, girlfriends friends etc) then I can see you being amped up. It gives your girl an excuse to get all dressed up and we all know what happens on prom night. When your girl throws on the satin, silk, lace, and heels...she is basically telling you, "yeah, you're pretty much getting slayed in the restaurant bathroom and my heels are staying on" (Ooooof, that's just the best!) Anyhow, that's the best scenario...unfortunately for most of New York City, its crowded bars, total meat heads and full blown rookies... Puke covered bathrooms, busted chicks mauling nerds in the middle of the room-spit flying everywhere, firefighters beating some frat boys into submission, hot chicks crying...just brutal. So if you aren't married and you don't have a boozy dinner with a Hot High Heeled Snap, then take it down a peg and pick your bars wisely. Trouble comes with many faces tonight. Halloween is my New Years, though you know what??? all these rooks can't keep a good man down, see you out for a Year End Sud. Keep Sippin my friends, try to get laid in a public bathroom...and I will see you in 09 for our first SippinSuds Booze Fest party.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Let's Turn Our Back On 2008

Think about it, 2008 had its good times(Giants, Olympics...well, that's about it) and its bad times. We can easily focus on the collapse of the US Economy, the rise and fall of oil prices/gas prices/Russian hookers prices but I want to stay upbeat. We could talk about A-Rod/Madge, Palin/Obama, Budweiser selling out, Miley Cyrus's soft kiddy porn, killer hurricanes, crippling floods, ravaging Cali blazes, Pakistan/India, Palestine/Israel, potential nuclear fall out, Patrick DALTON Swayze getting cancer, Loss of Heath, Paul Butch Newman, Russert, Issac Purple Hayes along with loved ones...but who wants to do that. Let's go ahead and stick with what we do best...Smiling, Suddin, and Slaying. Crack a Sud tonight, tomorrow night, both nights and swallow all the bitterness of 08...HERE IS TO FEELIN FINE IN OH NINE.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Nurse Snappin, Meat Dr. Jenx In Scrub Room

I have a physical coming up...terrified of whats to come, but hey, a man has a diet he is used to and has to keep it and doesn't want to stray to far from his regimen. Anyhow, whats the story with nurses and them not being hot...EVER. Don't they realize its a dream of every man on the planet. Even if they were semi hot, like work hot, they would be 10's. This is my message to all you females out there. Get a job in the doctors office, even if its stuffing file cabinets. Docs need it, patients need it and you know what, YOU NEED IT! Get in there, as we will keep Suddin and destroying ourselves.

Days Like Today

I woke up this morning, around 7ish...clearly not rushing into to work when 90% of the country is taking off. Train stations empty, coffee lines non existent and zero traffic on the road. Today "looks" great outside, but since I am stuck in here I might as well toss the pod in one ear and listen to the crickets with the other. So like our girl Marissa here, kick back and make the best of it. Try not to put a bullet in your foot before 3pm kickoff, NC State Wolf pack vs Rutgers Scarlet Knights in the Papa BOWL!!!

Friday, December 26, 2008


The Holiday Season is not defined as one day and two nights...its defined by days of outdoor activities and indoor fireside Sippin. Sure we here at JSS would rather you get out side on your days off, play some sport that includes a Sud break every so often, but if you are more of an indoor cat, then go ahead and get that fire going, have a frosty Sud waiting and we will see you soon. We all have a few new gifts to show go ahead and fulfill your obligation. Whether you received a new SWEATER,
a new CAR,
or a new SNOWBOARD,Get your new gear and show it to the world. Nothing like sweater meats, fast cars, and loving Snaps. Especially when SUDS are involved. Enjoy well and May God Always Bless America.

Sip A BloodyMary Before You Open My Box

I will be honest...I haven't really missed many days without Sudding lately. So why would a holiday weekend be any different. Holidays=family. Family=warmth+ chaos+misunderstandings+forgiving+emotional breakdowns. All of those=Booze Booze and more Booze. Not sure which comes first since most of us are Suddin Bloodies pre 10am. Anyhow, feel like I got kicked in the grill by a mule...and not that cool partying mule from Bachelor party. I'm talking scotch breath, rotten tooth, cheese ripping Christmas Mule.Santa has been known to abuse the sht out of his Christmas mules....this poor guy ended up on the table of Tiny Timjached. Keep Sippin Donkey Nuts.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas, From Bobby J

Twas the night Before Christmas and all thru the house
Young Bobby was sleeping, in his blanket tent house
He woke with the pain of a boozy booze tinkle
And that’s when he heard a strange noise, like a jingle
He walked down the stairs to see what is was
Rubbing his eyes still feeling the buzz
He looked with disbelief, with shock and with awe
It was a young lil Snapper, in panties, No Bra
The bells on her ankles, clinked and they clanked
And Sounded like angels as she begged to be spanked
Bobby just smiled, for what he saw and was hearing
So he brought her up stairs to try on her Ankle Bone Earrings
They boned, and they sweat, and the rocked that ole bed
For those bells on her ankles still ring in his head
So here’s Christmas Eve, the night of all nights
Stay awake for a jingle, but remember…she bites.
MERRY CHRISTMAS My Friends, My Family, My Buds
Give your loved ones a Hug, A Kiss and some SUDS.

Sh*tter was full

All I Want For Christmas

Mi Lik Hams has been looking forward to meeting Santa her whole life. She knew he existed from a young age, just never got to sit on his lap. Well, Ms Hams got her shot at Saks the other day. All she wanted for Christmas was some drugs for her sick aunt and a tool set for her favorite uncle. Apparently with all the kids screaming and Santa being half in the bag, he mistook her special requests for something rather naughty. All Mi Lik Hams remembers is asking if that was a candy cane in his pocket. Merry Christmas Hams...the good news is, Santa has it all on tape.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Twas The Night Before Bagels

Twas the Street before Christmas, and everything sucked.
Most bankers were hurting; some totally f-cked.
Lehman was dead and Merrill acquired
Thain asked for ten million as thousands were fired.

TARP funds flooded every bank on the Street,
and GM and Chrysler waited to suckle the teat.
Bernie Madoff was safely under house arrest
while SCORES laid off girls with artificial breasts.

Then outside my cubicle there arose such a fray
I feared the whole firm would go under that day.
I put down my pitchbook and financial models,
And prepared for an evening of tears and rum bottles.

Right there in the bullpen stood the strangest of fellers
Who arrived on a sleigh pulled by naked short sellers.
He bellowed and blustered and let out a curse
and before we knew it, things got even worse.

For there in his clutches were our bonus checks
and all of our hopes of prestige, toys, and sex.
With an evil grin he then handed them out
and, one after one, faces drooped in a pout.

The numbers fell victim to maniacal division
and, oh, did I mention the clawback provision?
I was enraged and in shock, and then what was more
after taxes, I couldn’t buy Eliot Spitzer’s wh-re!

In less than a week my bonus was spent
and I thought of moving back in with the ‘rents.
But New Years was coming and it would be great
to party like a baller and get rid of Oh-Eight.

Oh-Nine will be better and we’ll all get rich
the sooner we say goodbye to this ugly b-tch.
So keep your chins up and your heads held high,
put in the hours and never say die.

As bad as things are, they’ll get good again
and you’ll be glad you hung in there with all the real men.
When you’re in bed with a model and getting a hummer
you can lay back and think,
“Thank God I’m not a plumber!”

Thanks "the Big Picture" and Haggs.

Merry Christmas Dirty Jerz Style

Seasons Greetings!!!

HONEY I'M HOME!!!!!! And Man I'm Sauced...Santa's already on his way, his list is made, so guess who's getting filthy naughty tonight? God Bless you Tiny Snap, and to all a GOOD NIGHT!!!

December 24th, Christmas worked a half day, spent the other half shopping ans Sipping in between stores. You finish up and head home to your hot ass waiting for you(male/female). Upon walking into your MASHO(Mansion, Apt, Shack, House or Ocean Side Villa) how would you like to be greeted? Are you more focused on the Hoop, The Stomach/Snap Combo(displayed up top), The Stems or the Hams?
HOOP: Back HAMS: Stems

Last Minute Shopping Ideas

I have yet to start my shopping, but can pretty much bang it out in any small town...Greenwich is the easiest as they have Saks for Nana, Richards for Papa and Pop, outdoor traders for brothers and cousins, Hoglands for mom, Toy Chest for nephews and nieces and so on. You know what the key is? Strategically placed watering holes to wet ones whistle. They key is, shop for the kids last...go in to a Toy Store all Holiday Happy, buzzed feelin fine. Load up on ridiculous crap, have them wrap it and BA BLAM, you are good as gold. Now, for that intimate gift for that special someones...well, I recommend a gift they can share with a friend. Merry Christmas To All and To All A Double Ended...Candy Cane

Cleaning up for the Holidays...

I honestly think this is TJ. Thanks to NM for the find. I don't ask...

Monday, December 22, 2008

Can't See The Lines Can You Russ...RUSS?

So we all know some of the beauties on TNT, TBS etc each Christmas season, 24 hours of non stop Ralphy boy(Christmas Story), National Lampoons Christmas Vacation pulling its own weight, It's a Wonderful Life. Throw some Charlie Browns Christmas with a dash of Rudolph, Emmett Otter Jug Band Christmas, Yukon Cornelius and Frosty and I am the happiest young adult you have ever met. Now, with all that said, why is it, the younger generation has been subjected to some of THE worst Christmas movies ever created. Bad Santa...more like, Brutal 2 hours. Fred Claus...WTF was that? The Santa Clause 1,2,3...I'm sorry, but the only snow that Tim the Toolman Taylor has embraced was that rail he just ripped in front of his elf sized prostitute. Christmas with the Kranks...Insert Tim Allen once again, remove blow and add cyanide. If you are a younger Sudder, do me a the first list, burn the second.

How Do You Celebrate?

Wellllllllllllllll, the weather outside is frightful! But the Snap, is so delightful...and since there's no place to Go, Sip a Sud, Cheers a Bud and Drill a Ho. Any religion that Sips is a religion worth celebrating. Skol. Skol (written skål in Danish, Norwegian, and Swedish, and sometimes "Skoal" in English) is the Danish/Norwegian/Swedish word for a salute or a toast, as to an admired person or group.

The King of Kings

This week is Chistmas, but the real Holiday is Jan. 8th when the King of Kings was born. Jan 8th in Tupelo Missisppi Presley was born in a two-room shotgun house, built by his father, in East Tupelo. He was an identical twin—his brother was stillborn and given the name Jesse Garon.

I mean image if there was another Elvis? Well I guess he would be Jesse, but imagine if there were two of them...

Friday, December 19, 2008

Have A Wonderful Weekend

I am heading out for a boozy lunch...will be Sippin a Bloody in T-Minus 1 hour. So I wanted to wish you all a great weekend...get out, buy a few gifts for the lucky ones, call an old buddy you haven't seen in ages, Sip a Sud at your local pub and spread around some cheer. Oh, and Martina Colombari(I think that's her name) is off the fcking charts. Thanks for the pic Spiker. Keep Sippin, and for the love of God, try and get laid. If you are having trouble motivating yourself, use these to get you, ummm, moving.

True or False

Both of these pictures are from the futurist nightmare movie The Running Man? Honestly, I don't know what scares me more. 300 Asian dudes driving Segways with their knees, shooting guns or the Governor of California in a skin tight neon yellow track suit.

The meaning of Xmas (A.K.A. - Whoring for Sponsorship)

The meaning of Christmas....
I have a bunch of buddies at Manhattan Jeep and no one has had it harder than those poor bastards. So a guy comes in, buys a Jeep and sets them up with a table at Rick's (I was invited, but when he said Rick's I thought it was going to be a bunch of Bogarts walking around an oasis Casablanca Bar), so I passed. Turns out that the place was loaded with dimes and my boys got hooked up with drinks all night. When they told me this story I honestly had a tear rolling down my cheek. I mean isn't buying someone that is down and out a lappie what Christmas is all about. Remember, you can't spell Christmas with out ASS. So let's keep the ASS in Christmas.

I just want to get this out there. #1 - I am whore. #2 - d'em is mean streets out there for a chubby blogger and I got bills. So if Rick's or Manhattan Jeep wants to toss a few duckets my way - hit me up on the comment.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


I see Rudolph, and Brown Eye and Snappy and Cam Cam. HO HO HO....thats about right.

Get Something Done Tonight

Alright ladies and gents...a normal Thursday night in a city means you have a pretty good chance of bumping into some Snap/Hammer(for the ladies). This being such a big holiday night...make a lil extra effort...nobody wants to be alone on the holidays! God Bless Ya and Sip one for me.

Life Imitating Art....

PORT ST. LUCIE — Police are seeking an arrest warrant for a man accused of hitting his wife after she asked to smell his penis to determine whether he was cheating with another woman, according to a police report released Wednesday.
The 37-year-old victim told investigators her husband of three years punched her face and kicked her arms and legs Monday night after she accused him of having an affair.
The victim said she told her 25-year-old husband as he used the restroom "to display his penis to her so that she can smell it," the report states.
She said she asked him to show his genital area so she could determine whether he was cheating with another woman.
As she went to sniff her husband's penis, he reportedly punched her mouth and started to kick her when she was on the floor. The husband then fled the scene.
Police saw bruises and red marks on the victim's mouth, legs and arms.

Happy Happy

Happy Birthday to Earl DMX Simmons,Stone Cold Steve Austin, Brad Pitt, Ty Cobb, Keith Richards, Steven Spielburg. I know what to get him...Madoff's yams in a jar. Me, I am a January 6th baby...which kind of blows, because you get all your gifts in a matter of days. Sure, its gluttony at its finest, but give me some time to savor the flavor baby. Savor the flavor! "Just easin the tension baby...just easin the tension."

My Christmas List

There are two words for this thing. BAD ASS! Are you kidding me? The only thing better than a motorcycle is a motorcycle that breaths fire. People are going to piss their pants when I fire that biacth up!

Is that Buster Douglas in a Mike Tyson mask?!?

Whoa! I loved Mike Tyson. He was the far and away the most entertaining boxer every. The Leon Spinx fight was the stuff of legend. Then he lost to fat boy Buster Douglas and it all went down hill. I blame Robin Givens. It is like Mick says "women weaken legs". And now look at him. They only thing he could knock out these days is 3 super value meals and a stripper. Aaaahh who am I kiddin' he's still got it.

6" of Snow in Las Vegas - Oh wait it really is snow...

When I first heard this I started looking for flights. I figured it was code for something good. I mean 99% of the time you put "6 inches" "snow" and "Vegas" together it's a really good bachelor party.
This totally convinces me that the world is ending. But on the upside - it does give me a nice transition to post a shot of the King (and Ann Margret). Viva Las Vegas.

That's Skill - it ain't quite BLOGGIN' but.....

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Mid Afternoon Snack???

I guess since I am a borderline alcoholic, I prefer a salty snack...give me some olives, pickles, wheat thins, a mitt full of popped corn, everything bagel with bacon, cc and tomato and I will be all set. But come 2pm, I crave the sweets. Partly because I have jammed so much sodium in my gullet I look like a pelican with a 14lb Jack in my neck. Anyhow, don't fear the mid afternoon snack...embrace it. Grab a chocolate covered potato chip(Annie) if you have to...balance is the key to survival.

Still Having A Blast

Still horny, after allllllllllllllllllllll these years...Kepp Smilin, Keep Sippin and Keep Chasin that Snap. Here looks to be some good ole South American Lub Macheeeens.


no more fun on JSS...

open "says me"

jenks cleaned him self up for the holiday party circuit, some say he now is a dead ring for Bert of Bert and Ernie fame...maybe with that fresh cut jenks will get into a little of the action he used to see...

last minute Christmas gift idea.....

the Zack Morris phone. Think about it, you're at a bar...sippin', talking
to your boys. All of a sudden you throw up the index finger, in a "hold on
a minute" gesture, and whip one of these bad boys out of your pocket
put it to your ear & just say "GO".
I mean, come on? am I alone here? How great would that be. You don't have to hook it up or anything, but for you shy single guys out there, it
could be a great conversation starter with the ladies. Gotta make 'em laugh boys....

It works for my grandfather.....and he slays 'em.