Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Mooooovin' on up

A police report filed about the incident said Michelle Allen allegedly chased children in her neighborhood while wearing the suit on Monday evening.

Allen also urinated on a neighbor's front porch, the report said, and was warned by officers to go home and stay there.

How beautiful is this...I love that she verbally abuses the cop who took her in, stinking to high heaven of booze. I would be pissed if I were her. Where's the crime? I mean, I know I have a similar To Do List.
Wake up around 11am-check. Hit the feed bag-check. Dust off the ole Cow costume-check. Now let's see what else we have to do...oh yeah, scare the sht out of a couple neighborhood kids and piss all over Mr. Johnson's porch. Alright, that's a wrap...good day guys...good day.

Good heads up Haggs.

September Madness

Whether your are young or old, in finance or fashion, like hams or hammers, chances are, you have heard about all the failing banks and government bailouts. I am surrounded by it daily and still come out asking, Who owns who? Its enough to drive you nuts. Well, worry no more. Thanks to Spumoni(sounds spicy), we have a bracket to break it down. Feel free to fill it out, bring it to parties, impress your friends. God Bless You and God Bless America.

I used to hate doing laundry

Listen, our parents have told us for years...stay on top of your laundry, dont let it get out of control. Well if you're not gonna listen to them, listen to Samantha here. Looks pretty simple, no?

Who ya got?

Police: Teen wanted mom dead to pay for girlfriend's breast implants

FOUNTAIN (AP) - Police say a teen solicited two men to kill his mother so he could sell her car and use her bank account to get breast implants for his girlfriend.

Authorities say the mother, Hyun Weis, was attacked with a small wooden baseball bat at her home Thursday but escaped. She was hospitalized and then released Friday. The nature of her injuries hasn't been disclosed.

Deputy Police Chief Mike Barnett said 18-year-old Nikita Lee Weis was arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to commit first-degree murder.

Authorities say Nikita Weis also wanted money to pay his rent.
Also arrested on the same charge were his girlfriend, 21-year-old Sophia Nicole Alsept, and the two men he allegedly hired, 18-year-old Juan Antonio Velez Gonzalez and 19-year-old Brandon Michael Soroka.

All are being held on $50,000 bail. Officials didn't know whether they had attorneys and said they couldn't get messages to them.

Barnett says the suspects discussed wrapping Hyun Weis' body in plastic and dumping in the desert in New Mexico or Arizona.

Nikita Weis is due in court Monday.

I'll be honest - I totally malkused (pronounced MAL-cussed- defined as shameless stealing a joke or bit from another source and claiming it as your own) this from http://barstoolsports.com/ I feel we have reached the point in our relationship where I can admit that to you.

Now let's get to the meat of the issue. Nikita should have thought this through a little more.
Fake tittie rule # 1 - You don't want to be the guy that buys'em you want to be the guy that tries'em. We all have heard the story - guy meets girl, guy buys titties, girl becomes stripper. It is an age old tale.
Fake tittie sub-rule A - Get a free look. I mean let's say all goes well, Mom is dead, you paid the rent and got your girl some sweater puppets. Well, what if they are lopsided or she is pointing east-west... What then - do you off an Aunt to get them repaired?
Fake tittie rule #2 - Make her earn'em. By all means you should be supportive, but if she wants'em so bad let her kill your Mom. It is like the old saying... in a bacon and egg breakfast the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed.

Let me give you the end of this sad boy meets girl tale. Boy goes to jail, girl get probation. Boy gets gang raped. Girl meets rich guy. Boy wears blue eye shadow and gets traded for cigarettes, girl gets fake hammers from rich guy. Boy becomes girl, girl gets dumped and becomes stripper. I think it is safe to say that everyone wins here.

What you got?

You think it is so easy bloggin? Then you come up with a caption...

This weekend...I just hung out with Mr. Cheeks and Boba Fett.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Weekend Review

So summer lovin is over and the city is buzzing with energy. Bars are open early and filled with sports fans. Chicks dig dudes so they roll to where the meat is...its a wonderful way of life. Village Tavern always lines up a decent crowd, with a nice ratio of cuties to d-bags. For mid towners, Public House has enough room to avoid the wall st tea baggers and focus on the smoking bar tenders and sweet first year Manhattanites.

Now I appreciate this gals effort for sippin tequila straight from the bottle. And as much as I love a gal who sips a sud, its when they start to early on a Saturday morning that they become worthless to us night crawlers. Take for example, Miss fuzzy britches here...her options for the night are as follows:
One: The Bull Frog:

Two: The Black Out:

Well this Saturday I ventured to Connor Hack's football game, where I helped throw one hell of a tailgate...Suds, pulled pork, couple ladies, few more suds, pick up truck...standard sht. All I know is, win or lose those SLU Saints like to Sud. Nice game Hack, Nice game Luts, keep Sippin up there in Canton. Winters comin...suds are crucial.

Oh and please welcome our newest member, Lil Haggs. He already crushed those suds surrounding him...now just hydrating to keep standing. Smart kid.

Heather Locklear arrested in California

Former Melrose Place star Heather Locklear has been arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence after displaying bizarre behaviour while driving in a wealthy community in California on the weekend.

I am not sure that I want to live in a world where Heather Locklear gets a ticket for DUI. What happened to the world where a hot women (even at 47) could get away with falling asleep on the highway with 9 empty bottles of meds next to her.

If I were I a member of CHiPs (California Highway Patrol) - I would wear really tight pants and thigh high riding boots - oh wait - I already rock that, anyway. Heather Locklear could be standing over a stack of corpses with a smoking gun and I would ask her for a description of the guy that did it.

Ladies of the 80's - Who ya got?

This is not even fair - I mean I have to go Christie 7 days a week and twice on Sunday.

Sorry about the bad quality of the Cheryl Tiegs picture, but the lighting in my room is terrible.

Lets pour out some sud

Now I'm the last guy to ever suggest pouring out some of your well earned sud but over the weekend we lost a true JSS icon. Most actors dont warrant a fecking drop of my energy to type a line but Paul Newman was the kinda of guy you'd sip a sud with. He died @ 83 of cancer on Saturday.. guy hated hollywood, loved racing cares (before that dbag from 90210), kicked Tom Cruise's ass in Color of Money, played with the Hanson bro's... just to name a few..
sip some then pour some

Friday, September 26, 2008

Rainy Weekend got you down?

stay inside and pound the bag ...

or pound your bag

Got Milk?

A line forms outside a local Chinese hospital as children grow sick from harmful milk products.
BEIJING — The tally of children sickened by tainted milk in China jumped to nearly 53,000 as the government vowed to crack down on those responsible for the scandal, which has raised more questions about the safety of the country's food chain.

I personally think its a crime, bu it looks like action is being taken...Hospitals are working tirelessly to help those poisoned...and seem to have a grasp on those fallen ill. However, fear has consumed the city streets, and some local villagers have gone to extremes to get their children to safety. I found this out this morning when I opened a package labeled, "Not Gremlin."

Happy Birthday

So I guess we have to throw out a "Happy 60th Olivia" for no reason outside of boredom. I actually dont even like this lady.. i mean she has a sick pair of wheels, solid grill, not sure of the hams but would figure solid as well. She made her career from a movie w/one of the world's all time over rated d-bags; John Travolta.. so for all i mentioned prior just got taken down 5 pegs..
Dropped a few more after the "Physical" tune...
Why are her eyes closed in this? huh.. would sip to that

Iowa college apologizes for 'linch' typo in black history calendar item

By Associated Press
7:32 AM PDT, September 25, 2008
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) _ The president of an Iowa college says he's sorry about an unfortunate and offensive typo in a school handbook.

A calendar entry for Feb. 16, 2009, was supposed to read "Black History Lunch and Learn." Instead, it says "Black History Linch and Learn."

It sounds like "lynch," a term commonly used for hangings by a mob.

The handbook was distributed to about 10,000 students before the mistake was discovered.

Des Moines Area Community College President Rob Denson says stickers are available to place over the entry, which will be corrected in the next printing.

I thought "Black History: Linch and Learn 101" was only offered at Ole Miss. But they are sending out stickers to cover it up - that should make up for it. Thanks to GB for the research.

Sufer Girl

With all this surfing chatter going on in the mkt place this morning, I feel its important to at least give our readers a "broad" spectrum of options. Marissa Miller is just plain old gas(thanks for pic, Snerdy)...this gal below, no clue who it is, but clearly an option for the gents.

Now don't get your hopes up to much...cause girls like these dig real surfers like Sweet Dick Macky, Bobby J(body by Walters Hot dogs...sick fitness program) and WoodTooth. Better luck next time squids.

View of my house

Surfer babies - Who ya got?

There is an epic swell heading for NJ this weekend, some are calling it the 100 year storm.

Flash forward...
Mac paddling out into 30' waves - mullet tossing in the breeze...
AMEX hired hit man: We'll get him when he comes back
Wood2ooth: He's not coming back...
BAM 40' closeout....

Anyway this got me thinking about some classic surf babies. Lori Petty - Point Break - I mean she "dated" Johnny Utah and Bodhi. She has to be doing something right...

Kate Bosworth from Blue Crush. This is back when she used to eat and her weight was way up at 110 lbs - thank god she got that weight issue under control and currently weighs as much as dog.

Malia Jones - real surfer - real hot.

Where is Mr. Bigglesworth when you need him?

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Lost for words...

So, yeah.. I like suds, big deal? nah. Blonde birds? yeah.. sure. Hamburglars? pffft!. Now here I am looking at some photo made by one of those "design your mate" websites.. I mean you think she woke up and said: wrist bands or not? well sh1t I may crush a funnel or two today and flash my hams so what the fuck.. lets go with the wrist bands.

Have a sud on me... WT

Well done Bubba, Well done indeed

Fannie Mae, the nation's biggest underwriter of home mortgages, has been under increasing pressure from the Clinton Administration to expand mortgage loans among low and moderate income people and felt pressure from stock holders to maintain its phenomenal growth in profits... from a NYT article in 1999, aka the start it all.

Thanks Billy...Go get em Obama! Unreal. Cilantro, thanks for digging this out and making it VERY clear to all our mislead brethren. WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!
Oh and as far as Barney Frank...do me a favor you fck...focus more on the task at hand, not hand on ass, ya sicko. Clean up your mess and get the hell out of here. USA USA USA

Who ya got? Ol' Skool

I was once told there were two types of guys in the world - those that like Ginger and those that like Mary Ann. Well, there is a third - those that like both. Yeah baby! You know what I am talkin' 'bout. I was always a Mary Ann fan, but Ginger had that whole Porn star thing going even before it was fashionable (God bless her lil' heart). And you just knew that Mary Ann was not that innocent - I mean she was caught with 4 half smoked joints while driving home from her 69th Birthday gig.

Now how is it that the Professor could figure out how to do anything with an old radio and coconut husk, but he could not patch the hull of a boat or decifier that Ginger and Mary Ann were down for lil' fun?

And something was not right with the whole Skipper/Gilligan - "lil' buddy" thing. Hey but as the old nautical saying goes "any port in a storm" - at least that is what Bobby Jenx told me.

Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory

If the Mets don't make the play offs they should bury the whole team under the ruble of Shea and start fresh at Citi Field.

And how can the Mets sign Minaya to a 4 year deal? I mean didn't they learn anything from the Knicks signing Isiah Thomas when they were fighting for a play off spot... I said it when the Knicks signed Isiah and I will say it now there is not better way to miss the play offs than paying up for mediocrity. I mean where is Minaya going in the next 5 days that it is so important to lock him up now?

Sippins Suds Summer outing.

I finally found some of the tapes from the JSS summer outing. Thanks again to Cilantro for driving.

Oktoberfest update

Apparently Munich is pronounced "Munch in" and pork is "knuckle". So, raise your 52 oz Big Gulp sized sud and enjoy some "knuckle munch in".

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

i'm confused...

so i am italian, well 1/2 italian 1/2 irish, but i have dark hair, dark beady eyes, greasey skin and i may or may not of had a gold chain when i was a kid... far from anyone ever calling me a guido excpt for jenx and his boys that i used to beat up (story for another time). i have a question... what is up with THESE guidos? are guidos ghey? do the do cycles of juice and get jacked to compensate for the fact that they are ghey? lets think about it... constantly fixing hair, tanning, primping, waxing, shinny clothes, and lastly dacing like george micheal and boy george having a dance off... just sayin, or asking

Halloween is around the corner

So many tricks, so many treats. As Mac clearly pointed out in an earlier post, we have October fest...where hot girls in cleavage enhanced tops sip gigantic suds. Well there is another reason we male of America can get excited. Its a little Celtic celebration known as All Hallows Day, All Saints Day or just plain ole Halloween. In a nutshell, everyone wins. Kids get to dress up as there favorite Power Ranger, Disney characters or cute lil pumpkin. Teenagers get to cruise the streets stuffing shaving cream in the faces of such Power Rangers and egging the sht out of your house. But the clear winners of this glorious holy day is us, the adults and mostly the male sex. Why, cause every girl gets one night, JUST ONE NIGHT to unleash their slutty ambitions to the public. Whether she decides to go the naughty librarian, the naughty nurse or the naughty nun(a personal fav), the bottom line is, the chances she is wearing underwear is about 1% which gives you a 90% of a public maul sesh. God Bless You and God Bless those damn Celts. Halloween costume ideas are welcome in the comment Field.

This guy has the right idea....

Thanks to Nick for the click.

Oktoberfest began Sept 20th

Oktoberfest part II

I have totally underestimated the Germans they are geniuses!
Drunk women in push up bras.....CHECK
Drunk women in push up bras with sausage.....CHECK
52 oz Suds everywhere.....................CHECK

I think we just found next years company outing.