Thursday, January 29, 2009

Last Nights Recap, Tonights Game Paln

Meeting from Noon til 2pm, back to west village changed out of nerd gear, put on a costume and rolled to Papatzul...the place is only cool if you are into the best Margs in the city(dead serious), unreal mexi dishes and Mana blasting all over. We gather there around 4-5pm to say farewell to Wood Tooth, who is not only a member of JSS but a serious serious Sipper. Needless to say, we got crushed and do to some European Traders working live hours, the aggression was there at an early hour. Sweet Dick Mackie led the charge with glaring stares and stories of Malibu. Suds were poured on domes, Snapper was filing in as it should and tunes were switched over from Mana to Lita Ford, Bobby Seger, GnR, U-2, Skynyrd...what I am saying is, there was a lot of Sud Spraying and loud singing. Bars were stomped on, Hammers were Sudded and High Fives were not in short supply. Tonight jackets and Ties are put on for a benefit, "hired help" sells the raffles and Brown water is guzzled. Looking forward to feeling like sht know, since its taken me all day to feel normal today, might as well get all banged up again. God Bless Us, Every One! Have a great night. Hope to hear some good stories tomorrow.


Thanks to the Aubi team for the look on this. To be honest I don't want to know how they found it. But hey, if you got an, ummm itch scratch it or have the Big O scratch it for ya. Hail to the Chief. With Valentine's Day right around the corner this could be the gift that has her chanting "four more years".

Good Lessions Start Early

This is perfect - unless you are raising a Yeti.

Man Spends Two Days Trapped Under Sofa - Survives by Drinking Whiskey

SUSPECT... How do you get caught under a sofa and just happen to have a bottle of whiskey within reach? Oh wait you get XXX blotto and fall over. I mean seriously is anyone buying this?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Veggie Love

'Veggie Love': PETA's Banned Super Bowl Ad
I have to be honest - when I was googlin' "Veggie Love" this is not what I was looking for but it's like Mom says "when life give you lemons... add vodka and drink it real quick before Daddy sees".

You guys know by now that my posts have trends and that I'm not strong enough to fight the blog, but this a little disturbing. 2 posts today and they are dog humping a deer and women humping veggies. Something tells me when I look back at my life's work this will be my defining day as a blogger. I also found a video of a Robot humping a rat, but I'm not sharing that.


The pandas find me - I swear. But I will tell you this - those lil bastards make me smile.

I'm not going to apologize for posting panda shots every other post like a menopausal middle school music teacher, but I will say that it is not my proudest moment either.

'Cello scrotum' exposed as a hoax

LONDON, England (CNN) -- A medical ailment that has worried male members of string sections across the music world for over 30 years has been exposed as a hoax.
Male cellists of the world can breathe easy again.

A senior British lawmaker confessed to making up the condition known as "cello scrotum" -- which relates to chafing from the instrument -- after reading about another musically-related ailment called "guitarist's nipple" in the British Medical Journal in 1974.

Elaine Murphy, who is a member of The House of Lords and a trained doctor, came clean about the prank she devised with husband John in a letter to the BMJ published on Wednesday.

She said: "Perhaps after 34 years it's time for us to confess that we invented cello scrotum.

This is just cruel, cruel and sad! Flash back to 1985 - I was in school band and all I wanted to do was play the cello. And I was a natural from the moment I touched that cello - it was magic, but then when I got home I noticed a rash... It got worse and worse until my mom took me to a Doctor who diagnosed young Sweet Dick with cello scrotum - I never played the cello again. And now it turns out that the whole thing was a hoax and that it was probably the fact that I was jacking off 7 times a day with Ben Gay and sandpaper and nothing to do with play the cello naked.

Well, I hope your happy Elaine Murphy because your funny little joke cost a young boy his life dream. I'm not bitter that I could have been a concert cellist and now I'm the night shift manager of the Port Chester Dunkin' Donuts/blogger or that I'm a 300lb alcoholic searching for meaning in my life because it was a really funny joke. Well played Elaine, well played.

Be afraid, be very afraid

WTF?!?! I have never heard of this. I guess this happened on "Grey's Anatomy" and according to it is a real thing. This is the Anti-Panda for me.

What exactly is broken penis syndrome?
It's what we call penile fracture. It is a severe form of bending injury to the erect penis that occurs when a membrane called the tunica albuginea tears. The tunica albuginea surrounds the corpora cavernosa, specialized spongy tissue in the core of the penis that fills up with blood during an erection. When the tunica albuginea tears, the blood that is normally confined to this space leaks out into other tissues. You get bruising and swelling.

What are the signs of penile fracture?
Usually there will be a popping sound. If someone has severe pain (in the penis), especially associated with bruising, swelling and loss of erection, he should seek emergency care.

Nothing like Hunting with "Man's Best Friend"..

and everyone knows that "Man's best friend's" best friend is a deer carcass. I am about 99% sure that animal necrophilia violates all Blogger codes, but until they shut us down..."Grab a cold one".

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

What's Your Favorite Color?

Lady and Gentlemen, I Just want to go ahead and apologize for the lack of posts...we had an issue and I almost had a heart attack...I need this site more then most living things need water(there is a large % of water in Suds...don't let anyone tell you different). Anyhow, I was just thinking of all the wonderful colors out there and how I love seeing certain colors on certain tones. Summer tans bring out the yellows, pinks and CAROLINA Blues better then Winter skin. Winter is best complimented by Red, Greens and Blacks, no? Christmas and V-Day can attest for that. Anyhow, here are a few pics to help you come to your decision. Don't forget soft white cotton or comfy lil greys. Think hard, Sip often and for cryin out loud, just be a good person. I need a Sud!PS-This here is a C-String. It's not what you are thinking you means "CLEAR String!"
This one here is a keeper! Mom, meet Mrs. Bobby J
This one above me here is a great Business Tripper to the Windy Cindy.
I think that is Mrs. Bobby J, again...ok, Stop looking, fellas, move on.
Ooooof, Mirror Mirror on the Wall, who's the tannest of them all...that leather couch could get steamy.
This gal up here looks like she has slept for an hour...ok, so wee have or Vegas Biz Trip set up.
I know, I know, flip flops and robe are in the locker.
Willing to bet money that is the Shore Club(Beanie Baby, corn, Pringles and sun screen)...Looks like the ole Miami Sales Meeting locked up.
Let's see...oval stain glass window, eyes filled with hate, dipped right shoulder=SouthPaw, heavenly body...ok, so she is Satan's child or just really twisted Minister's daughter...either way, IN!!!
Finally, Lil Miss Naughty, cooped up in the attic with her electronics and pearls. "Honey, I hear those damn squirrels in the attic, again" Oh there will be squirreling going on...hotter then two woodchucks fcking in a wool sock by the time you walk out of that sweat box.

More Pandas!

There are few things that put a smile on my face these days, but for some reason Pandas make me smile. Maybe I'm going through menopause...

London Tribute...

A lot of British stuff here lately on JSS and I don't like it one bit, but TJ is in London for the week, so I figured that I would give him some local favor. This is pretty much what all the girls look like in London, well if you are XXX blotto and squint through the rain they all look like her chubby sister.

Monday, January 26, 2009

I Know Its Early, But We Have A Winner

So there is very little I care about over on the other side of the pond though I respect the Limeys for their love of the Sud, their rich history in dominating smaller, weaker countries and their import of hot European Snap. Anyhow, this may be old but I just learned Prince Harry got dumped. Now I have seen his lil gal, Chelsea Davy, frolicking around in bikini's, short skirts etc, always smokin a fag(that's right! look it up and learn something) and to be honest, I was always curious what he was thinking. Well she made his tough decision for him...and let's just say it has to be the worst call of her life. Oh, and while she is out looking for a new boyfriend, she might want a new crew of buds. With friends like hers, who the fck needs enemies.
'Chelsy, you're too young,' advised one.'It's a big commitment. He's used to it all(you know, being the Prince of England). But it's a big deal for you.'
Yeah, great call...I can see how partying for the rest of your life and not having a care in the world, can be a real bummer. Oh well, Chelsea Davy, I am sure Harry is all busted up over this. Apparently he just drives around with his chauffeur all day...poor kid. Hang in there Harry, Sip a warm, flat, gas less Sud. God Save The Queen.

Well I Kind of Know Her, U?

When I first moved to the city, I lived in one of those high rises on the east side...nice place, split a one bedroom into a two bedroom...doorman, pool, gym on roof, all that crap. I only lived there for a year becuase on my birthday night, I knocked over a concrete planter in the lobby...whats the big deal? I guess the next day at work I found out the planter wobbled, then fell thru a limestone table, smashing it into 400 peices. Well, its all caught on tape, including the maul session I had in the elevator...$11k later, I get booted from the pad. This would not have been a big deal if I didnt live down the hall from Alysandra Ambrisia...and yes, she did work out in the pool wearing a pink thong, and yes I did talk to her in the elevator about things like, ummm, modeling...true story. Every time I see her face it reminds me of that apt...and how much of a lush I am...and how much better looking she is then every person I knowand how I am scared at night. Its seems like AA and I were not meant to be...oh and look at her body ladies...she has had a baby, so don't give your hubbies that bullsht about ever changing body, post baby. 40 and younger=keep it together. God Bless You and God Bless South America.

Dells are good for porn.

What the hell else are QVC shoppers doing at 2AM? That would be a great ad campaign - I mean let's be honest there is a reason that 90% of internet sights are porn.

Art Show

This is one out of the Sweet Dick Collection. Enjoy.

2 People Killed at Monster Truck Rallys in the last Nine Days.

Is anyone really surprised? I mean you combine 20 foot trucks, 15,000 rednecks and beer and what do you expect. What are the last words of every redneck? "Hold my beer I wanna try somethin'"

Your Dream Come True...

Camel toe - Check.
Aloe Lotion Massage - Check.
Bubble Bath - Check.
Sexxy Talk - Check.
It's really all there...

Honestly this was like a car wreck for me. I wanted to look away, but I just couldn't. The only thing I could do make myself feel better to pass it on to as many people as possible. This may be the key to abstinence.

Now this makes sense to me...

I totally agree with Morgan Freeman here...

Friday, January 23, 2009

You Want To Tie Me up With Some Of Your Ties...Ty

Today, the 21 Club announced that ties are no longer required for gentleman wishing to dine within its hallowed walls, a loosening of its historic dress code which, along with some other special offers that they hope can breathe life into the business during these trying times.

True As The Day Is Long

'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the heard is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'
Well Said Cliffy Boy, I could not agree with you any more. Thanks for the look, Bobby T. "Cha Know Its"

Its Take Two, make a dream come true.

How do you know you have a drinking problem? When you go out, drink 2 brown waters, half a bottle of wine, and 2 Suds to close the night, all before 9pm and then walk into to work this morning and say, "I didn't drink last night...feeling great." I am not saying I have a problem with the Sud...I am just saying I have a different set of rules then some people. I would have to imagine 90% of you out there are with me. Unless you are pretty much wrecked or feeling "really good" then come morning, that's "not drinking." I guess what i am trying to tell you fine people out there is, like Amber in the pic above, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Keep Sippin, Keep Smilin...It's the weekend friends, GOD BLESS AMERICA.


Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse... The Gmen lose, it's 2 degrees out, the economy stinks, all I have to look forward to until March Madness starts is guzzlin' beer and watching the Super Bowl as I shovel wings down my gullet. Oh wait... There are no wings! CAN IT GET ANY WORSE? I MEAN GOOD GOD. It's like Emo Phillips said "Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps."

I guess some chicken farm in Texas closed and now there's a wing shortage - just in time for the Super Bowl... Here's what I don't get. The farm closes, but what happens to the chickens? I would think that a it would be Wing City for all those guys. It just makes no sense. I suspect fowl play. FOWL play not foul play - FOWL play. My word play is on point today.

What you got? Caption contest.

"Hey Frank, come here - look at this assh*le."
Online nudity.

What you got?

Love Day is approaching...

This is my #1 rated gift for Love day. They are like Smittens for your genitals.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Just Bunking In?

I have been feeling a lil under the weather these last couple days...not as many Snap Shots as usual for the fellas, and for that I am sorry. Tonight, I think I earned the right to toss back a few Suds. Whatever your plan is, enjoy your time out, tip well, eat lots, drink more and make a couple bad decisions. Keep it clean and remember, if you don't land any Snap/Hammer you always have your mind...dream well because in a dream, nobody ever needs to know.

Love Day is approaching...

So get your SMITTENS now before they run out. Honestly, if I saw some dude wearing these thing I would beat his ass on general principle. Unless he was bigger than me or it was two dudes or I was drunk or tired. And I wouldn't want to do it if I was alone, because no one would be there to tell the story if I won or pull him off if I was getting my ass whooped. But other than that and a couple other things - there is a 100% chance that any guy I see wearing a Smitten is getting a beat down SWEET DICK STYLE! But in a bad ass way not in the other way...

Dutch Newpaper...

The tittle reads - Black Jesus has landed.

Obamas are into "fisting"...

I have been saying for years that "fisting" is a sign of affection and no one believed me. I told you he cares!

Holy Thunder

The Academy just announced its 2009 Nominees and Robert Downey Junior got the nod for playing a black soldier, Kirk Lazarus...and I have to tell you, the sht is hilarious. I have to be honest, this call restored my faith in the Academy...if only they gave the nod to Steve Martin...the Jerk is a piece of American history. Crack a Sud and watch Thunder...if you don't care for it, crack another Sud and zip it.

Who ya got? Swayze style....

You know Uncle SDM will always ask the tough questions... I have say that I have been wrestlin' with this one since the early 90's. I just can't seem to put my finger on who's the cooler cat. They both have that bad ass element, zen like calm and perfectly quaffed mullet. I mean if Bodi and Dalton were to get into a fight, it would last forever.

I think my pick would Bodi - sky divin', soul surfer, bank robiin' bad ass, riding the biggest waves at Belles Beach that anyone has ever surfed. Honestly, I get half stalk just thinking about that dude. But that's normal. Right?

But there's nothing wrong with Dalton. A simple country boy that is about takin' names and kickin' ass. Ladies love'em and guys wanna be him.

So who ya got?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Bring Back The Mess!!!

So I hit the Blue Shirts game last night against the oh so Mighty Ducks, w Tex and Jeusos. Solid game, a couple brawls, a few goals and a Rangers win. The seats my buddy has are great for ADHD kids...first row behind the walk way...that means no 6'9 monsters blocking the game or any 8 year old kids that will be covered in Suds. You do however have a ledge for Suds, a good angle to the ice and most importantly...100% stalker vision. Nothing quite like returning a young woman's glance with a curled sweaty upper lip stare...all I was missing was members only jacket and a mustache. Bottom line, there are no bad seats in the Garden...but I need passer by's to keep the wheels turning. Have a nice Hump Night...God Bless.

Flight 1549 geese come forward... (click to enlarge)

Today's Tan Line

I don't have to tell you, the avg reader, how much I appreciate Tan when I saw this pic of Marissa Miller on I had to pirate and post...not for you, not for me...but for every woman out there that has the body to pull off a thong...chin up ladies, have the confidence to know that another woman's look of disgust comes from their own realization that this summer, the only thongs they will be sporting are slipped on their hoofs. Keep your beat grimaces to yourself, Nana...this woman is liberated! Tan Cheeks and a Tan Line=One confident lass and One happy lad. Oh, and if I recycle a are going to have to forgive me...and take it down a peg...maybe even Sip a couple? Be Well...Hump Day Sippin tonight.

Was this a Commercial for the The Jesse Jackson school of Speech Making?

My favorite is the last paragraph...(it starts at 4:25)
"Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get back, when brown can stick around -- (laughter) -- when yellow will be mellow -- (laughter) -- when the red man can get ahead, man -- (laughter) -- and when white will embrace what is right."

The last paragraph is my favorite for a couple reasons. First, it's the only part that I could understand, secondly, it rhymes and I love that - finally it makes no sense and is full of ethnic slurs. I know that somewhere Jesse "Hymietown" Jackson was smiling.

Now I have watched about 200 hours of Obama TV and no one has said a word about Rev. Lowery using the terms Black, Brown, Yellow and Red Man during his benediction, while Obama snickered. What do you think would happen if that speech were given during the Bush/Cheney inauguration? All I'm saying is that we need 1 set of rules.

Secondly, "we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get back, when brown can stick around" - seems to me like that day is here. I mean the last time I checked President of the United States was a pretty important job.

Finally, I take offense to the "when white will embrace what is right". Now I know that Whitey has screwed many (all) different races and cultures over the years, but isn't this whole administration supposed to be about putting race aside and moving forward as a country and not placing blame and segregating us by our race.

Actions Shots of Cheney from the Inauguration...

The begining...

While he was being sworn in...

When he was introduced as President Obama...

Separated at birth?

Maybe it's me, but these three could be sisters...