Thursday, December 4, 2008

Deep Thoughts.....

While we were sitting around the JSS Lair talking about important life altering stuff like A-Team action figures v. Lee Majors - Six Million Dollar Man action figures an interesting topic came up.

Could a normal women handle the Six Million Dollar Man?

First of all you know he has a Bionic Root b/c they had to replace both his legs and his right arm is Bionic too. You can't give a guy a Bionic right arm and non- Bionic Root. That would just be recipe for disaster. A normal root can't withstand the tork of a Bionic Arm.
Everyone knows that. It is Bionic Masturbation 101. So, that brings us to the question.

I said there is NO FECKIN' WAY a women - even a super cooze like Jenna Jameson could handle the Bionic Root - not with all the lube in the world. I mean, have you seen this dude run? He can run like 60MPH, so his PPM (pumps per min) has to be in the 1800-2000 range. I mean if he's a "Long Stroker" (alllll the way in - alllll the way out) he is still at like 1000 PPMS. The only thing that can handle that is a Bionic Bush. Which is why they created the Bionic Women. Steve had the bad guys under control, but he had to be walkin' around with half stalk all the time. And trust me - you do not want to see a Bonic Pennnusss when it is angry. I remember that episode where he was stalking Big Foot because he was so horny. Not to say that we all haven't been there. I mean there is no shame in taking down a Yeti to keep your skills sharp, but you can't make a living at it.

I mean that is the whole reason he was never on the Love Boat - he would have poked a hole in the side of that thing and sunk it while he was teee'in up Julie McCoy.

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